June of 2013 since my last post... wow. 4 years and I'm sitting here trying to figure out what to share. I'd love to tell you that over the past 4 years, so much has changed, I'd love to tell you about my fairy tale love life and my perfect children and happy little family and life. I would love to tell you how perfect things are and I would absolutely love to tell you that I am loving where I am in my life and how every day is such an incredible blessing. But the honest truth is, that's not my reality, that may never be my reality. I live in a different house, same small town, I have taken in another child, she keeps me on my toes and one of my boys have moved out and live 5 hours away from here. I have changed churches in the last year, have been through a new few groups of friends. But when it comes down to it... in the past 4 years, not a whole lot has actually changed for me.
That being said, don't misunderstand something, my circumstances have not changed a whole lot, but I, however, have changed. I've grown as a person, I've learned a lot and I have been pushed, pulled, knocked down and picked back up again, I have been through some rough waters and through the grace of God, I have come out a stronger woman who has grown closer to my Lord. If I could share with you all that I have learned over the past few years, we could be here all night... or day, totally depending on your time zone. The point is, there are a lot of things I have learned and I hope to share a few things with you through this blog as God allows.
In the last few months I have decided to leave social media, I was done with the drama, with the arguments, with all the judgments and all the time it took away from my time with God. I also did not like who I was becoming, rather than praying for someone who was struggling, I would be harsh and would judge their lifestyle choices without even knowing what they were going through. Facebook and Instagram became my main topics of conversation.. "Did you see what they posted?" became an all too common phrase in my world and very rarely did I come across a post where I did not just roll my eyes and think "Oh, get over it". To say the least, I was not acting or living the way a woman of God should. I knew it needed to change, so I got rid of it all. The one and only down side to it was, I love to see and post encouragements and scriptures (even though that unfortunately wasn't always evident in the real world) for my brothers and sisters in Christ. I loved to share the things The Lord had been doing in my life and now, I had lost that.
I had remembered though a while back, that I had started this blog years ago and figured it might be a good time to restart it, to start sharing again about all the things I had been learning and maybe I could be an encouragement to whoever decided to read it. That idea was quickly shut down by all my thoughts of doubt and my fear of failing again, I never gave it a second thought. That was until a dear friend of mine, asked me my opinion on blogging and had shared that she was at the same point I was, she was no longer on social media, but had felt like she wanted to share what God laid on her heart, even if nobody read it, she wanted it to be shared. I was encouraged by her conviction and convicted by her faithfulness! It didn't matter what people thought, it didn't matter who all read it, it was not about her, it's not about me, it's about serving The Lord faithfully and sharing His Word with anyone who would listen. So, I decided to jump back on the band wagon and I'm restarting my blog!
The goal I am trying to reach here is not about me, I want this to be edifying, my desire is that people who read this, will not see me, but will see Christ. I want them to see all that God has carried me through so that they will see His power revealed and will praise Him for all He is worth. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and for sharing it with others if you ever feel led to do so. May God bless you through these posts.
"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my strength and my Redeemer"
Psalms 19:14
-Nicole
Friday, 17 February 2017
Saturday, 29 June 2013
The fruits of my labor... if we can call it that.
Wow, it's been over a year since my last post.... A whole year that I've been on this adventure and have become a mom (of sorts at least) I've sat down in front of my computer screen (when I finally got one that worked) and I had full intentions of updating my blog but when it came to it.... nothing. zip. ziltch. natta. I was having some major brain farts and could not get my words in order so that they would make any sense for you. But as I thought and thought about how to summarize my year for you.... God did good things. His timing always astounds me, He kept my mouth silent and kept me from sharing with you while He taught me, molded me and changed my heart to make me who I am today.
So while I was brainstorming and trying to find the right words to say about what God has done for my little crazy clan this past year.... I couldn't even begin to summarize it! There has been so much change, so much growth and we've learned so much this year that I couldn't even begin to put it all into one tiny post! But all of a sudden, my mind recalled a verse... Galatians 5:22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law" Yup. There it is folks.... my life in a year.... well not quite, I'll elaborate for you. (Bear with me, this may be longer than normal)
Love- This fruit, seems like the one that would just make the most sense..... but it's a lot harder to do than it sounds. My boys have tendencies to push my buttons, even if they don't mean too, they do. But at those moments when I feel like I'm about to lose it, I remember that I've committed to caring for and loving them, UNCONDITIONALLY. I'm not going to lie, there are times that the only love they receive is the love I've prayed that God would give me for them. But after a while, I have genuinely appreciated these boys and have loved them deeper than I could have ever expected too; only through the grace and love that the Lord has blessed me with.
Joy- How can you be joyful when life doesn't make sense? When you feel like no matter where you turn, something is going to hurt you, knock you down and is just out to get you? Well.... here's something I've learned, someone is out to get you! 1 Peter 5:8 "Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour" The devil is waiting and hoping to destroy our joy, especially on days where "can you do this for me?" or "I need this done today" or "we have nothing to eat in this house!" is all you hear from your kids. But I have learned that even on those days God is still on our side and our faith is in Him, not anything else and through His Spirit, we can receive the joy promised to us. 1 Thessalonians 1:6 "You became imitators of us and of the Lord, for you welcomed the message in the midst of severe suffering with the joy given by the Holy Spirit."
Peace- This fruit is very similar to the last, it's hard to find peace in the midst of trials and of tough days. But again, God is so good and He will always provide what we need to find His peace. There is nothing more peaceful and comforting to a parent, than hearing your teenage boys talking to each other and laughing together... not fighting, like normal. I also receive God's beautiful peace when my 17 year old sits down with my and pours his heart out to me, I know The Lord has a beautiful plan for these boys and knowing I get to play a part in that plan, gives me such peace, we are going to be okay.
Patience- This one is quite obvious, how easy is it to learn patience when you need to be at work and have to drop off your 14 year old off at school in 15 minutes and you suddenly realize... he's still sleeping! yup, that's happened in our home, not once, not twice... but 5 times... in a week. Talk about frustrating. So at that point, you sit down, like mature beings and you make a plan, one that helps me not lose my mind and one that gets him out of bed (usually) It's a plan called "You wake up and be ready by 8:15 or you're walking and are late for school then you lose privileges like your iPod or social events in the evening... make your choice" It's a long title, but we think it's a great plan and it's worked so far! :) Maybe it doesn't sound like patience to you, but rather than getting mad, yelling and being constantly frustrated with each other, we have a clear understanding, we are open, honest and are aware of the consequences of our actions. It's been good.
Forbearance/Kindness/ Gentleness- These 3 really work well together.... I didn't really know what the word forbearance meant or how it applied to me but when I looked up the original word "Forbear" it meant "to refrain or abstain from".... yikes, this did apply to me. How many times have I wanted to say "seriously?! I told you to do this yesterday!" or "Am I speaking English?! do you understand what I actually say to you?" yes... it gets bad sometimes but I have to remember that I want these boys to grow into strong men of God and I want to build them up and acknowledge their strengths, not constantly point out flaws. This is when I pray for a gentle spirit and learn to say, "Thank you for doing that, it's important to me to know you're helping in that way" or to say "Can you do this for me? I'm not really that good at it, you're better at it than me" They need to know they are needed and wanted by me, so holding back those negative thoughts and comments and trying to replace them with words of kindness and encouragement has been a blessing for us all.
Goodness/ Faithfulness- When I think about these fruits, I can't help but think about how God has been good to us and so faithful to hearing our prayers. But I know that these are about what God has taught me about these fruits and how I show them in my life so, here it goes.... there are times when a person feels so vulnerable and tenderhearted that you really don't know where to turn. A few weeks ago, I got a call that my 17 year old, bumped his head (while stunting at a playground) and needed to go into the hospital, I had no idea how bad this was, I got to him and his eyes were rolling to the back of his head and he couldn't walk. My heart sank into my stomach and I had no idea what I was going to do. We rushed him to the hospital and the doctors checked him out and sent him by ambulance to get a CT scan; all the while, hearing him scream in pain and watching him fear for his life (both earthly and spiritually), I almost couldn't stand it. But through that night at some point, God reached down, heard my prayers and He spoke to me, to my kid and He touched us. He gave me this indescribable answer to prayer and He gave me the privilege to talk to and pray for my sons soul at 4am, in an emergency room hospital bed, with tears in my eyes and fears in my heart... God had heard my unceasing and faithful prayers for this child. When we are faithful and trust Gods word, it will NOT return void, He is good and He is faithful to hear and answer our prayers. (FYI my child didn't accept Christ as his Savior that I know of that night and has not told me if he has after that, but his heart has been searching now more than ever and I praise God for that)
Self-control- I kind of feel like this one would fall under the same category as Forbearance.... but it doesn't. This fruit doesn't involve just simply holding back, no, this fruit reflects the spiritual battle we face between our flesh and our spirit. Sometimes we want things, such as, freedom and the strong urge we face to run away, start a new life where we can do what we want, when we want and have nobody to be accountable to but ourselves. This is when our self control comes into play, in Philippians 2:3-4 we are told to "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." This tells me that, if I want to live a life lead by the spirit, I am to overcome the desire to "be free to be me again" and think of others, like, the people in my home, as more important than myself and my selfish desires. Some days and some weeks, it can take all the strength I have and more strength from God to stay put and control those desires to just quit my life and get a new one. But God gives us that strength to, sometimes even when we least expect it.
This life isn't glamorous, nor is it easy, but God gives us the tools we need everyday to be able to trust in Him and in His plan for us. This post is not meant to be understood in the way that I have perfected these fruits and am now living the perfect Christian life... nay nay, this is to share with you just some of the lessons in parenting that I have been taught over the past 394 days; I am learning more and more everyday. Some days these lessons are easy to receive, other times, it's like a kick in the teeth, but I'm continuing to learn, grow and by Gods grace am able to teach my kids these lessons too. God is so good.... All the time.
God Bless,
Nicole
So while I was brainstorming and trying to find the right words to say about what God has done for my little crazy clan this past year.... I couldn't even begin to summarize it! There has been so much change, so much growth and we've learned so much this year that I couldn't even begin to put it all into one tiny post! But all of a sudden, my mind recalled a verse... Galatians 5:22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law" Yup. There it is folks.... my life in a year.... well not quite, I'll elaborate for you. (Bear with me, this may be longer than normal)
Love- This fruit, seems like the one that would just make the most sense..... but it's a lot harder to do than it sounds. My boys have tendencies to push my buttons, even if they don't mean too, they do. But at those moments when I feel like I'm about to lose it, I remember that I've committed to caring for and loving them, UNCONDITIONALLY. I'm not going to lie, there are times that the only love they receive is the love I've prayed that God would give me for them. But after a while, I have genuinely appreciated these boys and have loved them deeper than I could have ever expected too; only through the grace and love that the Lord has blessed me with.
Joy- How can you be joyful when life doesn't make sense? When you feel like no matter where you turn, something is going to hurt you, knock you down and is just out to get you? Well.... here's something I've learned, someone is out to get you! 1 Peter 5:8 "Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour" The devil is waiting and hoping to destroy our joy, especially on days where "can you do this for me?" or "I need this done today" or "we have nothing to eat in this house!" is all you hear from your kids. But I have learned that even on those days God is still on our side and our faith is in Him, not anything else and through His Spirit, we can receive the joy promised to us. 1 Thessalonians 1:6 "You became imitators of us and of the Lord, for you welcomed the message in the midst of severe suffering with the joy given by the Holy Spirit."
Peace- This fruit is very similar to the last, it's hard to find peace in the midst of trials and of tough days. But again, God is so good and He will always provide what we need to find His peace. There is nothing more peaceful and comforting to a parent, than hearing your teenage boys talking to each other and laughing together... not fighting, like normal. I also receive God's beautiful peace when my 17 year old sits down with my and pours his heart out to me, I know The Lord has a beautiful plan for these boys and knowing I get to play a part in that plan, gives me such peace, we are going to be okay.
Patience- This one is quite obvious, how easy is it to learn patience when you need to be at work and have to drop off your 14 year old off at school in 15 minutes and you suddenly realize... he's still sleeping! yup, that's happened in our home, not once, not twice... but 5 times... in a week. Talk about frustrating. So at that point, you sit down, like mature beings and you make a plan, one that helps me not lose my mind and one that gets him out of bed (usually) It's a plan called "You wake up and be ready by 8:15 or you're walking and are late for school then you lose privileges like your iPod or social events in the evening... make your choice" It's a long title, but we think it's a great plan and it's worked so far! :) Maybe it doesn't sound like patience to you, but rather than getting mad, yelling and being constantly frustrated with each other, we have a clear understanding, we are open, honest and are aware of the consequences of our actions. It's been good.
Forbearance/Kindness/ Gentleness- These 3 really work well together.... I didn't really know what the word forbearance meant or how it applied to me but when I looked up the original word "Forbear" it meant "to refrain or abstain from".... yikes, this did apply to me. How many times have I wanted to say "seriously?! I told you to do this yesterday!" or "Am I speaking English?! do you understand what I actually say to you?" yes... it gets bad sometimes but I have to remember that I want these boys to grow into strong men of God and I want to build them up and acknowledge their strengths, not constantly point out flaws. This is when I pray for a gentle spirit and learn to say, "Thank you for doing that, it's important to me to know you're helping in that way" or to say "Can you do this for me? I'm not really that good at it, you're better at it than me" They need to know they are needed and wanted by me, so holding back those negative thoughts and comments and trying to replace them with words of kindness and encouragement has been a blessing for us all.
Goodness/ Faithfulness- When I think about these fruits, I can't help but think about how God has been good to us and so faithful to hearing our prayers. But I know that these are about what God has taught me about these fruits and how I show them in my life so, here it goes.... there are times when a person feels so vulnerable and tenderhearted that you really don't know where to turn. A few weeks ago, I got a call that my 17 year old, bumped his head (while stunting at a playground) and needed to go into the hospital, I had no idea how bad this was, I got to him and his eyes were rolling to the back of his head and he couldn't walk. My heart sank into my stomach and I had no idea what I was going to do. We rushed him to the hospital and the doctors checked him out and sent him by ambulance to get a CT scan; all the while, hearing him scream in pain and watching him fear for his life (both earthly and spiritually), I almost couldn't stand it. But through that night at some point, God reached down, heard my prayers and He spoke to me, to my kid and He touched us. He gave me this indescribable answer to prayer and He gave me the privilege to talk to and pray for my sons soul at 4am, in an emergency room hospital bed, with tears in my eyes and fears in my heart... God had heard my unceasing and faithful prayers for this child. When we are faithful and trust Gods word, it will NOT return void, He is good and He is faithful to hear and answer our prayers. (FYI my child didn't accept Christ as his Savior that I know of that night and has not told me if he has after that, but his heart has been searching now more than ever and I praise God for that)
Self-control- I kind of feel like this one would fall under the same category as Forbearance.... but it doesn't. This fruit doesn't involve just simply holding back, no, this fruit reflects the spiritual battle we face between our flesh and our spirit. Sometimes we want things, such as, freedom and the strong urge we face to run away, start a new life where we can do what we want, when we want and have nobody to be accountable to but ourselves. This is when our self control comes into play, in Philippians 2:3-4 we are told to "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." This tells me that, if I want to live a life lead by the spirit, I am to overcome the desire to "be free to be me again" and think of others, like, the people in my home, as more important than myself and my selfish desires. Some days and some weeks, it can take all the strength I have and more strength from God to stay put and control those desires to just quit my life and get a new one. But God gives us that strength to, sometimes even when we least expect it.
This life isn't glamorous, nor is it easy, but God gives us the tools we need everyday to be able to trust in Him and in His plan for us. This post is not meant to be understood in the way that I have perfected these fruits and am now living the perfect Christian life... nay nay, this is to share with you just some of the lessons in parenting that I have been taught over the past 394 days; I am learning more and more everyday. Some days these lessons are easy to receive, other times, it's like a kick in the teeth, but I'm continuing to learn, grow and by Gods grace am able to teach my kids these lessons too. God is so good.... All the time.
God Bless,
Nicole
Thursday, 31 May 2012
What it feels like...
So there is this WONDERFUL song by a band called FFH called "What it feels like" and the chorus goes like this:
"This may not be the road I would choose for me,
But it still feels right somehow,
And I have never felt you as close to me, as I do right now
.....so this is what it feels like to be led."
This song has made a TREMENDOUS impact on my way of thinking... especially now that I'm not in Kansas anymore! (I'm also not Dorothy nor do I have a dog named Toto BUT you get the point, this world is not what I'm used to!) So often I think, why did I deserve all this? It's to much for one person! I'm only 25 and there is a house to buy and make sure I can pay for every month, 2 teenagers to love and feed, a youth group to be an example to (which I feel like I've been failing miserably at lately) and numerous other issues I have to conquer daily.. I CAN'T DO IT GOD!!!!
It's then in those fears, doubts and questions where God places this song in my heart and reminds me that, no I can't do anything in my own strength.... but I can do all things through HIM who GIVES me strength. My fears are most definitely conquered then but, at least then I can rest assured that God hasn't forgotten me, in fact He's gone ahead of me, He knows whats ahead... and He's still leading me forward... God is truly good isn't He? He knows life sucks and that it is just downright ugly and uneasy sometimes... yet He is with us leading us through still waters, showing us that the storms will come and go but His way is always best for us, I didn't say easiest, don't get me wrong... not easy, but it is whats best.
So yeah, like I was saying about the song, this isn't the life I would choose for myself, if it was up to me, I'd be married with like 2 kids right now, we'd have a cute little acreage and a nice dog named rover, and my mom would be here and her and my dad and siblings would come for lunch, or we'd go there every Sunday after Church.... THAT'S a life to many people take for granted! BUT here I am, single, buying a house in town, raising 2 teenage boys with my parents both not here on Sundays for lunch.... glorious.
But I do feel those small loving reminders from God though, when I hear my boys laughing with each other (yes I call them mine, I've earned it!) or when Jeremy says "finally, I can pack a real lunch to school and it'll taste awesome!" or when I tell Alex that I'll be the proudest mom at his high school grad in a couple years (thinking he'll comment on the 'mom' thing) and he is very quick to say "yeah, probably the loudest and YOUNGEST mom there to!" :). But I think the real kicker is when my 16 year old, yells up the stairs "GOOD NIGHT, I LOVE YOU!!" yeah... those are the things that remind me, this isn't for nothing....
"And I have never felt you as close to me, as I do right now.... so this is what it feels like to be led...."
Well there you have it folks! my first blog, on this side of "Oz". Thanks for taking this journey with me!
Toodles!
Thursday, 17 May 2012
The heart of things...
My Dad one day informs me that he is going to start looking for a job and will be moving to Peace River soon... So we make a plan. Dad THEN decides, the plan takes to long, so again, he informs me that he has randomly walked off his current job and is moving to Peace River... TODAY, as in that day. It was a grand time. I then thought to myself, "what about the boys?!" then began the week full of choices... and not the easy "white or brown bread?" choices it was more like "sacrifice my own child I'm in the process of adopting? or take in my brothers and make sure they are taken care of until they are of age?" yeah... that kind of decision. My heart was at war with... well my heart. I then heard some quotes that changed the way my heart felt...
"I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life." ~Abraham Lincoln
"If you have a mom, there is nowhere you are likely to go where a prayer has not already been." ~Robert Brault
"All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his." ~Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest, 1895
"Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother." ~Oprah Winfrey
These quotes reminded me of my mother, it was also so close to mothers day that I was thinking about her a lot anyway and when I read these I remembered how often my mom told me she prayed for me and wanted to support me in everything. She knew God had given me a heart that cares about others and she prayed for her kids and grandkids... even though she didn't get the chance to meet them. God gave her a heart that sacrificed day after day to make us kids happy and she prayed that we would in turn, follow her example and love God and our kids like she loved us. I was blessed to have such a beautiful woman to guide me and pray for me all those years..... anyway, now I'm rambling.... BACK to my story!
I felt like if my mom could make those sacrifices and pray for me all those years... I could do the same, people keep telling me I am so much like her anyway!... So I made the difficult choice to put my adoption on hold and am in the process to become a legal guardian for two teenage boys. I'll also be buying the house my dad was living in so that they have a place to call home..... It blows my mind how God works and changes our lives when we just let it go. These choices have been SO hard to make, I have face many trails and down days in between but through it all God is good. There have been many verses that have encouraged me along the way, God has used His Word to show me how HIS will is best and HE has got my back (it's like I never really learn that lesson!) So if you feel like your heart is just in need of some reassurance, here is what God wants you to remember.....
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Romans 8:28
"To humans belong the plans of the heart,
but from the Lord comes the proper answer of the tongue."
but from the Lord comes the proper answer of the tongue."
Proverbs 16:1
"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."
Hebrews 13:8
My heart may feel so overwhelmed so many times, but God has a plan, it is good and that will NEVER change.... oh what beautiful promises He has given us!
Well I think that is all I have to blog for now! I hope my next post won't be so long from now!
Ta Ta For Now!
Sunday, 1 April 2012
Catching my breath...
"Happiness is a matter of one's most ordinary and everyday mode of consciousness being busy and lively and unconcerned with self."
Iris Murdoch
These words could not be truer for my current state of life. It's been over a month since I last updated my blog which means I am at least 3 blogs behind and I doubt I will fit everything into this one blog. but I'll see how far I get!
At the beginning of March I had my home visit with my case worker and it went SO good! Praise the Lord! I was so excited about it and how everything was just happening so fast! I knew God was going to just do something wonderful in my life with the prospects of adopting a child! I still think He will, I just don't know when it'll happen now. This past week I have been doing a lot of reanalyzing and thinking and re-thinking things in my life and here's the conclusion I've come to:
Iris Murdoch
These words could not be truer for my current state of life. It's been over a month since I last updated my blog which means I am at least 3 blogs behind and I doubt I will fit everything into this one blog. but I'll see how far I get!
At the beginning of March I had my home visit with my case worker and it went SO good! Praise the Lord! I was so excited about it and how everything was just happening so fast! I knew God was going to just do something wonderful in my life with the prospects of adopting a child! I still think He will, I just don't know when it'll happen now. This past week I have been doing a lot of reanalyzing and thinking and re-thinking things in my life and here's the conclusion I've come to:
I would like to put my application on hold for the next few months to a year and see where God has put me by then. This decision was NOT an easy one and it makes me very sad to put this very important thing to the back burner and I know God has it in store for me to be a mom and soon. At this point I feel I need to be a little more stable and on my feet and help my family get to that place to before I bring a child into this whole situation. It will be MUCH more beneficial for both me and my child if I am at a stable place financially, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Here are just some of the reasons why I have made this decision and why I have been caught up in such a whirlwind of madness lately:
Unfortunately, my family has been having some problems getting our lives in order. My dad thinks it's ok to just drop everything and take off for a week and just let me pick up the slack and take care of my 2 teenage brothers and my sister is still 21 so, she's not all that interested in raising teenage boys. I love my brothers and my family, please don't get that wrong, but I'm getting a little worn down already. I am only 25, not 52 don't confuse the two and I feel as if I am taking on way to much between, a full time job, a social life and keeping track of 2 teenagers by making sure they are on time for school and are home in bed on time.
There has been quite a lot more that has been going on but I think this is all the most important stuff, if I was to write about EVERYTHING I have been dealing with over the past few weeks, it would be more of a novel then a blog! hey, there's an idea! a book! It could be called "....You act like I should be surprised when you called me crazy" Sounds like a best seller to me :)
Aside from all the thoughts and the random craziness, I've had a lot of fun spending time with my awesome friends, awesome youth group that I get to lead and my awesome boys that I would pretty much bend over backwards for. God is good. ALL THE TIME.
"10 He replied, “You are talking like a foolish[a] woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” In all this, Job did not sin in what he said."
Job 2:10
I'm working on being a little more like Job, whatever happens, happens, God won't forget me so I will keep trusting Him.
Good night Blogger world!
Sunday, 19 February 2012
Rollercoaster of a lifetime!
WOW. What a week! This week has been one crazy ride! Here's a run down of my week...
Saturday: we travelled to Fort Chipywan with 9 of us(7 teens 2 leaders) in a bus for 12 hours... Nuf said. It was a good trip but it was a loooong drive!
Sunday: I shared my testimony with the church. That was cool and then we just relaxed and hung out the rest of the day
Monday: First day of VBS with the kids and I fell in LOVE with them! God also opened the doors for a great opportunity to reach out to the youth in the community by hanging out at the youth drop in centre. So that was good.
Tuesday: Day 2... Interesting day. Good but interesting. We had almost double the kids from the first day! Thanks to the youth centre. Then I got a phone call from my case worker and my training course I have to take was moved from the end of April to the middle of March! Yeah for progress!
Wednesday: VBS went great, then I got forgotten at the church for 2 hours... That was a good time! :)
Thursday: I was getting a little tired... As I think everyone was, so you can only imagine how long the day was.... BUT THEEEENNNN.... I got another phone call :) my home visits that were supposed to start after April have been moved around cause my case worker applied and has been approved to start them early! So she's coming to see me at my house this coming Friday and Saturday!!! Yes Friday Feb 24th and Saturday the 25th woohoo!!
Friday: I got a call through the night from a concerned sister who told me dads heart was acting up. The next day I called him and found out he was admitted to the hospital and was being sent to Edmonton cause it was an actual heart attack... Yippee.. Again.
Saturday: Traveling home.... Yowzaa. I was tired and emotional and going a little crazy. Found out when I got home the they had taken dad in for surgery and put a stint in his heart.
Today (Sunday): Went to church, called my dad, who was discharged and he was feeling great. Now I have watched 3 movies. It's been a very boring and quiet day...but so needed!
Over all, yes, I've had a long up and down ride of a week for sure! But God has taught me so much over this last week, He's taught me patience, He's taught me about watching what I say, about how to listen to others and how to recognize the needs of others. There's SO much more then that that He taught me or showed me, but I don't have the time, not the energy to type it all out today... But I'll keep you posted, it's time for me to catch some zz's :)
I also added a couple pics of the team, and a few of the things we did.... Including what happens when the boys get a little overtired :)
God Bless!
Saturday: we travelled to Fort Chipywan with 9 of us(7 teens 2 leaders) in a bus for 12 hours... Nuf said. It was a good trip but it was a loooong drive!
Sunday: I shared my testimony with the church. That was cool and then we just relaxed and hung out the rest of the day
Monday: First day of VBS with the kids and I fell in LOVE with them! God also opened the doors for a great opportunity to reach out to the youth in the community by hanging out at the youth drop in centre. So that was good.
Tuesday: Day 2... Interesting day. Good but interesting. We had almost double the kids from the first day! Thanks to the youth centre. Then I got a phone call from my case worker and my training course I have to take was moved from the end of April to the middle of March! Yeah for progress!
Wednesday: VBS went great, then I got forgotten at the church for 2 hours... That was a good time! :)
Thursday: I was getting a little tired... As I think everyone was, so you can only imagine how long the day was.... BUT THEEEENNNN.... I got another phone call :) my home visits that were supposed to start after April have been moved around cause my case worker applied and has been approved to start them early! So she's coming to see me at my house this coming Friday and Saturday!!! Yes Friday Feb 24th and Saturday the 25th woohoo!!
Friday: I got a call through the night from a concerned sister who told me dads heart was acting up. The next day I called him and found out he was admitted to the hospital and was being sent to Edmonton cause it was an actual heart attack... Yippee.. Again.
Saturday: Traveling home.... Yowzaa. I was tired and emotional and going a little crazy. Found out when I got home the they had taken dad in for surgery and put a stint in his heart.
Today (Sunday): Went to church, called my dad, who was discharged and he was feeling great. Now I have watched 3 movies. It's been a very boring and quiet day...but so needed!
Over all, yes, I've had a long up and down ride of a week for sure! But God has taught me so much over this last week, He's taught me patience, He's taught me about watching what I say, about how to listen to others and how to recognize the needs of others. There's SO much more then that that He taught me or showed me, but I don't have the time, not the energy to type it all out today... But I'll keep you posted, it's time for me to catch some zz's :)
I also added a couple pics of the team, and a few of the things we did.... Including what happens when the boys get a little overtired :)
God Bless!
Sunday, 29 January 2012
Not my thoughts... not my ways...
When I started this blog, I wanted to update it weekly.... that has proven to be a lot harder then it sounds. I wanted it to be awesome, thought provoking and inspiring, instead, I'm finding myself having a VERY difficult time collecting all my thoughts into one simple, organized, sense making post! I've started and erased this post at LEAST 5 times already!
This week in particular has been difficult, my thoughts have been consumed with baby names, definitions of baby names, work, who I will marry someday, who I WANT to marry someday, finances, getting a legal will and who I would leave my future child with if I should die before they are 18, what would my mom have to say about all this? how long should I wait to get another kid? do I even want another kid? why am I thinking about this before I even have ONE kid?! am I going to be single forever? cause if I am.. I better buy a place, I don't want to rent forever! Will I be a good mom? what if this adoption falls through and this was all for nothing? then what! what if my child grows to hate me? I don;t think i can do this. I don;t think I'm really qualified! why would God tell me I should do this if I can't do it? That cruel to play with my emotions like that!... God would do that, He's not a mean God so this must be ok. Yes. No. Yes. No. Back. Forth. Back. Forth... you get the point and that's all in a span of 10 minutes! My brain just doesn't seem to stop these days! Thankfully, there is hope for me! When I go through times of non-stop brainwaves, worries and fears, I turn to the only one who can calm all my storms and He can lead me beside still waters... wow, still waters, what a thought my heart needs!
I looked in my Bible app and typed into the search bar "thoughts" and I discovered, I'm not the only person to have a thinking problem! In Isaiah 55:8 God says “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. So God knew, He knew I'd go through times where my thoughts would drive me crazy! He knew that I would have all these doubts and fears in my mind and He reassures me that, He also has thoughts about me and my life and His thoughts are NOT the same as mine! So that must mean they are good! How awesome is that!
While I was searching I also found it interesting to see that a lot of the verses on thoughts were from the book of Psalms, many times David speaks of wrestling with his thoughts and how they have caused him a lot of grief. I found this so interesting because God and David were pretty tight. David was known as the "man after God's own heart" and even he had these times of wrestling with his own thoughts. Yet God has assured him and me and you that, His thoughts and ways are not ours....
So this post about all my mixed up thoughts and emotions I guess really boil down to one very important topic.... Trust... sigh ... but I'll save that topic for next weeks post :)
-Adios.
This week in particular has been difficult, my thoughts have been consumed with baby names, definitions of baby names, work, who I will marry someday, who I WANT to marry someday, finances, getting a legal will and who I would leave my future child with if I should die before they are 18, what would my mom have to say about all this? how long should I wait to get another kid? do I even want another kid? why am I thinking about this before I even have ONE kid?! am I going to be single forever? cause if I am.. I better buy a place, I don't want to rent forever! Will I be a good mom? what if this adoption falls through and this was all for nothing? then what! what if my child grows to hate me? I don;t think i can do this. I don;t think I'm really qualified! why would God tell me I should do this if I can't do it? That cruel to play with my emotions like that!... God would do that, He's not a mean God so this must be ok. Yes. No. Yes. No. Back. Forth. Back. Forth... you get the point and that's all in a span of 10 minutes! My brain just doesn't seem to stop these days! Thankfully, there is hope for me! When I go through times of non-stop brainwaves, worries and fears, I turn to the only one who can calm all my storms and He can lead me beside still waters... wow, still waters, what a thought my heart needs!
I looked in my Bible app and typed into the search bar "thoughts" and I discovered, I'm not the only person to have a thinking problem! In Isaiah 55:8 God says “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. So God knew, He knew I'd go through times where my thoughts would drive me crazy! He knew that I would have all these doubts and fears in my mind and He reassures me that, He also has thoughts about me and my life and His thoughts are NOT the same as mine! So that must mean they are good! How awesome is that!
While I was searching I also found it interesting to see that a lot of the verses on thoughts were from the book of Psalms, many times David speaks of wrestling with his thoughts and how they have caused him a lot of grief. I found this so interesting because God and David were pretty tight. David was known as the "man after God's own heart" and even he had these times of wrestling with his own thoughts. Yet God has assured him and me and you that, His thoughts and ways are not ours....
So this post about all my mixed up thoughts and emotions I guess really boil down to one very important topic.... Trust... sigh ... but I'll save that topic for next weeks post :)
-Adios.
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