When I started this blog, I wanted to update it weekly.... that has proven to be a lot harder then it sounds. I wanted it to be awesome, thought provoking and inspiring, instead, I'm finding myself having a VERY difficult time collecting all my thoughts into one simple, organized, sense making post! I've started and erased this post at LEAST 5 times already!
This week in particular has been difficult, my thoughts have been consumed with baby names, definitions of baby names, work, who I will marry someday, who I WANT to marry someday, finances, getting a legal will and who I would leave my future child with if I should die before they are 18, what would my mom have to say about all this? how long should I wait to get another kid? do I even want another kid? why am I thinking about this before I even have ONE kid?! am I going to be single forever? cause if I am.. I better buy a place, I don't want to rent forever! Will I be a good mom? what if this adoption falls through and this was all for nothing? then what! what if my child grows to hate me? I don;t think i can do this. I don;t think I'm really qualified! why would God tell me I should do this if I can't do it? That cruel to play with my emotions like that!... God would do that, He's not a mean God so this must be ok. Yes. No. Yes. No. Back. Forth. Back. Forth... you get the point and that's all in a span of 10 minutes! My brain just doesn't seem to stop these days! Thankfully, there is hope for me! When I go through times of non-stop brainwaves, worries and fears, I turn to the only one who can calm all my storms and He can lead me beside still waters... wow, still waters, what a thought my heart needs!
I looked in my Bible app and typed into the search bar "thoughts" and I discovered, I'm not the only person to have a thinking problem! In Isaiah 55:8 God says “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. So God knew, He knew I'd go through times where my thoughts would drive me crazy! He knew that I would have all these doubts and fears in my mind and He reassures me that, He also has thoughts about me and my life and His thoughts are NOT the same as mine! So that must mean they are good! How awesome is that!
While I was searching I also found it interesting to see that a lot of the verses on thoughts were from the book of Psalms, many times David speaks of wrestling with his thoughts and how they have caused him a lot of grief. I found this so interesting because God and David were pretty tight. David was known as the "man after God's own heart" and even he had these times of wrestling with his own thoughts. Yet God has assured him and me and you that, His thoughts and ways are not ours....
So this post about all my mixed up thoughts and emotions I guess really boil down to one very important topic.... Trust... sigh ... but I'll save that topic for next weeks post :)
-Adios.
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