What it feels like...

So there is this WONDERFUL song by a band called FFH called "What it feels like" and the chorus goes like this: 

"This may not be the road I would choose for me, 

But it still feels right somehow,

And I have never felt you as close to me, as I do right now

.....so this is what it feels like to be led." 

This song has made a TREMENDOUS impact on my way of thinking... especially now that I'm not in Kansas anymore! (I'm also not Dorothy nor do I have a dog named Toto BUT you get the point, this world is not what I'm used to!) So often I think, why did I deserve all this? It's to much for one person! I'm only 25 and there is a house to buy and make sure I can pay for every month, 2 teenagers to love and feed, a youth group to be an example to (which I feel like I've been failing miserably at lately) and numerous other issues I have to conquer daily.. I CAN'T DO IT GOD!!!! 

It's then in those fears, doubts and questions where God places this song in my heart and reminds me that, no I can't do anything in my own strength.... but I can do all things through HIM who GIVES me strength. My fears are most definitely conquered then but, at least then I can rest assured that God hasn't forgotten me, in fact He's gone ahead of me, He knows whats ahead... and He's still leading me forward... God is truly good isn't He? He knows life sucks and that it is just downright ugly and uneasy sometimes... yet He is with us leading us through still waters, showing us that the storms will come and go but His way is always best for us, I didn't say easiest, don't get me wrong... not easy, but it is whats best.  

So yeah, like I was saying about the song, this isn't the life I would choose for myself, if it was up to me, I'd be married with like 2 kids right now, we'd have a cute little acreage and a nice dog named rover, and my mom would be here and her and my dad and siblings would come for lunch, or we'd go there every Sunday after Church.... THAT'S a life to many people take for granted! BUT here I am, single, buying a house in town, raising 2 teenage boys with my parents both not here on Sundays for lunch.... glorious.

But I do feel those small loving reminders from God though, when I hear my boys laughing with each other (yes I call them mine, I've earned it!) or when Jeremy says "finally, I can pack a real lunch to school and it'll taste awesome!" or when I tell Alex that I'll be the proudest mom at his high school grad in a couple years (thinking he'll comment on the 'mom' thing) and he is very quick to say "yeah, probably the loudest and YOUNGEST mom there to!" :). But I think the real kicker is when my 16 year old, yells up the stairs "GOOD NIGHT, I LOVE YOU!!" yeah... those are the things that remind me, this isn't for nothing.... 

"And I have never felt you as close to me, as I do right now.... so this is what it feels like to be led...."

Well there you have it folks! my first blog, on this side of "Oz". Thanks for taking this journey with me!

Toodles!